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May 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, the NFL suspended New England Patriot quarterback Tom Brady for four games for his role in Deflategate and took two draft picks away from the team. A starting quarterback who fails to...
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May 13, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Verizon bought AOL for $4.4 billion because it’s still illegal to actually set money on fire. 2. A man in China was arrested for attempting to smuggle heroin into the country hidden in...
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May 15, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican Jeb Bush reversed course on Thursday and said that based on information now known, had it been up to him, he would not have waged war against Iraq. But be sure to check in tomorrow. 2....
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May 18, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Saturday, American Pharaoh won the 140th Preakness Stakes, the second leg in horse racing’s triple crown. Although, in reality, all the horses were losers because, when the race was over, they...
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May 22, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Actor George Clooney said when he proposed to his wife Amal he was down on his knees for 28 minutes. But that’s only because he left his Life Alert bracelet at home. 2. Former New England Patriot...
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June 3, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. AOL launched a new homepage yesterday. So expect a panicked call from your parents. “My email’s missing!!!!” 2. Sepp Blatter stunned the world of soccer yesterday by unexpectedly resigning as FIFA...
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June 4, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Four people who cheered, allegedly excessively, for loved ones at a high school graduation ceremony in Senatobia, Mississippi were arrested and fined for disturbing the peace. But, in their defense,...
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June 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to sources, Jeb Bush will announce his bid for the Republican presidential nomination on June 15 in Miami. So now, once again, John Travolta’s sexuality is the world’s worst kept secret....
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June 9, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Sunday night, police in riot gear were called in after a melee erupted as attendees to a hip-hop concert in New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium tried to forcefully enter without tickets. Security...
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June 16, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Sunday, the New England Patriots received their 2014 Super Bowl rings, which featured four diamond-studded Lombardi trophies on the front and the phrases “We Are All Patriots” and “Do Your Job”...
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September 4, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. 88 pounds of wool has been sheared from a sheep in Australia, making him unofficially the world’s woolliest sheep. The wool will be used to knit one sleeve for Chris Christie’s christmas sweater. 2....
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September 8, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. While in D.C. for a meeting with President Obama, King Salman of Saudi Arabia reportedly rented out the entire Four Seasons hotel. And yet, somehow, his room was still next to the ice machine. 2. On...
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September 9, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new study, 10% of men and women admit to having orgasms while exercising. So consider this your friendly reminder, that before working out, you should always wipe off the machine. 2....
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September 10, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson took a personal shot at Donald Trump on Wednesday, questioning the authenticity of the businessman’s religious faith. Said Trump, “My faith is as a real...
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September 17, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, New England quarterback Tom Brady endorsed Donald Trump for president. Just when you think the Patriots can’t possible get any more unlikeable, they find a new way. 2. Yesterday,...
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September 30, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Tuesday it was reported that the NFL’s appeal of the reversal of Patriot quarterback Tom Brady’s Deflategate suspension won’t be heard until 2016. Causing Brady to learn a phrase that Jets fans...
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December 7, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, golfer Tiger Woods said he peaked when he was eleven. Begging the question, how much sex was eleven-year-old Tiger Woods having? 2. According to a new study, kids who take...
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December 11, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump on Thursday postponed his trip to Israel amid a controversy over his proposal to ban Muslims from entering the United States, saying he will take the...
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January 4, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Atlanta Falcons running-back Tevin Coleman suffered a concussion after slipping in the shower. “That’s why I always advocated a buddy system in the team showers,” said Jerry Sandusky. 2. British...
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March 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, the NFL said the so-called Gronkowski cruise, in which Patriots tight-end Rob Gronkowski made a paid appearance on a four-day cruise Norwegian Cruise, is not being investigated by the...
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