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March 28, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Friday, before a spring training game in Arizona, two live bear cubs visited the Chicago Cubs’ clubhouse. Not to be outdone, Queen Elizabeth went 3 for 4 with a RBI for the Royals: 2. The home of...
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April 26, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. In the wake of New England quarterback Tom Brady’s 4-game suspension being reinstated, on Monday, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump said “Leave Tom Brady alone!” I don’t know about president, but,...
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May 27, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, U.S. health officials reported the first case of a patient with an infection resistant to all known antibiotics. To learn more about this infection talk to the guy coughing on you on...
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June 8, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Burger King is testing out a new menu item that combines a Whopper with a burrito, it’s called the Whopperrito. Here’s how it’s made: 2. A federal appeals court on Tuesday revived a lawsuit in which...
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June 10, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to reports, in the upcoming general election, Donald Trump plans on painting Hillary Clinton as a money-grubbing, unethical candidate. As opposed to Donald Trump who is a money-grubbing,...
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July 29, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Last night, at the Democratic Convention, when speaking of her running mate, Hillary Clinton said, “for those of you just getting to know Tim Kaine.” Although, she could have saved a lot of time by...
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September 6, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Sunday, Pope Francis elevated Mother Teresa to sainthood. Where she takes her place along other notable religious dignitaries like Saint Peter, John the Baptist, and Bishop Don ‘Magic’ Juan. 2....
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September 26, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. After publicly supporting Hillary Clinton for months, reality star Kim Kardashian is reportedly now “on the fence” and is considering voting for Donald Trump. And although her vote remains unclear,...
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December 5, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Merriam-Webster dictionary said, as of right now, the word of the year for 2016, which is based on number of lookups, is ‘fascism.’ Presumably because ‘WHATTHEFUCKISGOINGON!?!’ isn’t a real word. 2....
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December 6, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to reports, President-elect Donald Trump is considering appointed New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as ambassador to the United Kingdom. Johnson and the British can bond over losing to the...
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February 6, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Last night the New England Patriots took on the Atlanta Falcons in Superbowl 51. And, somehow, the winner was still ‘La La Land.’ 2. Sunday night, the Atlanta Falcons blew a 25-point lead to lose...
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February 7, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. A porn website is holding auditions to find a Donald Trump look-alike to star in upcoming videos. Which, I guess means, they’ve already found their Putin. 2. French presidential candidate Jean-Luc...
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February 15, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. During yesterday’s White House press conference, press secretary Sean Spicer mistakenly referred to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as ‘Joe Trudeau.’ But, in Spicer’s defense, you try doing...
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February 17, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” has banned Trump aid Kellyanne Conway from appearing on the show. Which is a nice start, but, as everyone knows, there is only one way to get rid of her for good: 2. On...
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February 22, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. A 330 pound teen in Texas lost over half his body weight to get revenge on his school bullies. So let that be a lesson to you kids, bullying works! 2. On a recent trip to Cambodia, Angelina Jolie...
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March 2, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new report, the tooth fairy left a record $290 million dollars under pillows last year. No one has spent that much money in bed since Charlie Sheen. 2. During a recent interview,...
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March 21, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to ‘Forbes,’ Microsoft founder Bill Gates is once again the richest man in the world. He regained the title the old fashioned way, by murdering Warren Buffett. 2. New England quarterback...
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April 20, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, New England Patriot tight end Rob Gronkowski popped his head into the White House briefing room to ask Press Secretary Sean Spicer if he needed any help. That story again, a man who...
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April 21, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. New England Patriot defensive end Alan Branch said he decided to skip going to the White House to meet President Trump on Wednesday because he “couldn’t shake his hand and look my daughters in the...
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May 16, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Florida woman recently filed a lawsuit in Mississippi against a Confederate group claiming that a camel named Sir Camelot bit her at the site of the Jefferson Davis Home and Presidential Library...
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